Spring cleaning

Yeah, it's been a while, hasn't it?

I dunno how to explain my absence but  then again, who can, right?

Anyway am writing this post after a while since I need some fresh infusion in my life. I am getting quite frustrated with plain 'ol normal. I haven't as yet sorted my public nor private life. I find that I have so many straight people surrounding me that I in essence am almost convincing myself that I might need to 'fit in' (cliché I know).

I am cleaning my friends lists and dumping the boring company I keep as backup I think it's time I took a risk. Who knows I might get a Mohawk, dye my hair red, get piercings everywhere imaginable and just to boot I might be bold enough to post a photo of myself on my profile.

Am honestly getting irritated with having to hide just because of who I am. Hey, I might even do something outrageous in plain sight. I know I sound crazy, but then again maybe I am. I want most of all to be free...

Now to go and start on those plans. (wish me luck! LOL!)

The experiment

     Once again I don't understand how time moves so fast! A week is gone. A couple of exams are down and I must say am stupefied at how easy varsity examinations are! Or maybe am just smart? LOL!

      Since my previous post detailing the far I have come on my journey, I have had exams as I have mentioned and engaged in some games and experiments of my own.
      I did say that at times it does become difficult somewhat being gay and still ascribing to the teachings of Christianity. Some acquaintance of mine who has been nagging (and I mean NAGGING) me on the fact that being gay and being Christian are not two miscible qualities one can have. Mind you the said acquaintance is himself gay. Since he made my acquaintance recently, I can't help but to be very proud of myself (as If I could get any prouder). This guy has serious personal and esteem issues. He is the phony gay stereotype, those with the so outdated African-american slang and who keep calling someone 'child' in that annoying grandma-like tone (am not hating). Guess this passes off for some as being an urbanite or something rather, I digress.
       So this guy ( I will call him Sam*), has been a pitiable sight. Not only does he have no confidence in himself, he has no confidence of his appearance and worse still he still beats himself up for being gay. I have been playing Dr. Phil and hoping something would be better within him all to no avail. He, more than the homophobes, believes it is an abomination to be gay and I simply asked him why then would the same God make us this way and still exist within myself? Or was it being implied that the gay people of the world are God-less? I believe not. This led me to my 'experiment'.
        I ended up asking him to then question if he is at all gay. To which he replied in the affirmative. He was of the conviction that the environment made him gay and all that crap. I then asked him if he ever felt a difference between kissing a boy and a girl. He didn't answer this since he had no previous experience on kissing a girl. Don't lose hope just yet.
        See, I have a friend called Asha*. This girl is beautiful by any standard if the looks she is given on a normal walk is anything to go by and the countless offers from would-be suitors. Asha is my best friend and she does know am gay. She doesn't have a problem with it, if anything we are even more closer. If any man would have heterosexual feelings, I believe they would be brought out by her. In my experiment I wanted Sam to kiss Asha and see what happens. (No, am not a pimp). I actually had to plead and promise my being  indebted to her if she could help. So on Wednesday I went over to Sam's place with Asha and we proceeded with the experiment. Sam claimed he did not feel anything at all. Asha wasn't disappointed since I had kissed her before just to be sure I was gay (u never know, right).
      This then led me to my argument with Sam on being gay due to the environment. I believe that if you are gay because of your environment only and it is not innate in you then you should at least feel a stirring if you get involved with a girl which was not the case in this 'experiment'**
       This led me to believe that Sam's was just a case of self-loathe gone overboard and to add inferiority complex just makes the matter a disaster. I do pity him a lot. In a span of three weeks, we have ended up discussing suicide on 7 separate occasions. He is a good soul but the strain of being gay is proving to be a waterloo unto him. I do hope he will learn to accept himself and reconcile with his god. Before he makes good his threats of 'offing' himself.

*Not the real names
** ISO: 2008 certified experiment (LOL)

pick ups

Well, am not one to be picky but we are quite a funny lot. I was recently aimlessly going through the web and stumbled upon a site where it would be safe to say a lot of Kenyan gay men like to interact through. That was not what caught my eye.

As i roved further down the message boards I got a funny title of where guys pick up other guys and I being the curious one peeped in to see what guys had noted down. Apart from the normal places and pubs guys pick each other up the city council toilets and Uhuru park popped up quite a lot. This was what had me baffled: How on God's green earth do u pick up a guy in a council restroom of which I have seen some (read most) to be quite unsightly what with the wanting levels of hygiene. Some even alleged to have gone at it in the toilet stalls to which I felt a hint of disgust. like seriously, a toilet stall!!!! come on!!!! Anyway this was the least of my surprise. The Uhuru park cruisers caught me by surprise too and more so for the mere fact that they pick each other up and go at it like rabbits in the bushes. Mind you this is someone you just met a few minutes ago. Hot-blooded or not that is downright cheap and reckless, aside from indecent exposure and risk of contracting STD's. Dudes get serious!! This is a recreational park for all people to relax not an opportunity to sneak a peek at a blue movie!! Euch!!

I won't play self-righteous or nothing here but I sorta find those places a bit of a stretch. What happened to class???

My oh my!

I was just bored out of my skull and ended up reading the newspaper. What i saw was quiet unsettling. While it is true i knew male prostitutes existed, imagine one of the gay ones had the nerve to disrupt a whole club in town to claim unserviced debts to a usual male customer of his.

After kicking up a storm and finding the 'client' was not in a stable financial position, he made off with his cellie.

I posted this for one reason or blind glee. One may interpret it in many a way. But as usual i chose the most optimistic one: look at it this way, the patrons of the club got to know they were gay and didnt spark off some homophobic reaction. This was very encouraging for me coz they treated it with the dignity it deserved. They left them to their domestic issues. To cut the crap it showed that though long overdue homophobia is coming to an end in one of the most cosmopolitan cities. If only my parents would follow suit. Oh how i wish. Dreams... Dreams...