I think the effect of my greek holiday has worn off! I am getting agitated by the smallest things. I think if i had a shrink at present i would be a disappointment.
I know am becoming retrogressive, i thought i was over moping! On friday night we had an outing with my friends and i was loathe not to notice my glaring solitude. They were in pairs but urs truly was flying solo and tusker malt took me through the night though begrudgingly!
I am not going to blame my being gay and use it as an excuse to be a drunkard. I have had the luck of seeing what alcohol can do to people and it aint pretty!!
I am not really moonstruck as many would love to think. My best friend actually left for further studies and it doesnt help my other good friend happens to be a bit busy and am not gonna cry over it, but i think my emotions are getting bottled up to toxic levels! Aaargh! i am thinking of screaming real loud then i remember that my problems aint common place. I am at a point where am angry at everyone. I think am tired of playing charades. My resilience is becoming putrescible to put it mildly. I guess rock bottom is nearing at an alarming velocity.
Its interesting that the words "bottled" and "toxic" appear in your post, because that's all you'll ever get from alcohol. Never think of alcohol as providing a refuge from feelings of anger or upset. You're going through a phase NF and you'll get over it soon enough, trust me. :)
ReplyDeleteAnen:
ReplyDeleteIf it be God's will may it pass as fast as possible. I feel anger, hatred, confusion, desperation all clogging up in me! i need an outlet to the least and fast. I have never had such self loath and desperation. I am sending an S.O.S!